Review: The Big Kahuna

The Big Kahuna by Janet Evanovich
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

2.5 stars. On one hand, this book was what one would expect from this series: campy fun. After listening to the Adam Walsh story, that's exactly what I needed!

On the other, there were a lot of little details that were a bit confusing. I'm guessing that comes from Janet's son being the co-author on this one instead of Lee Goldberg and I'm wondering if Peter read the first five books in this series before agreeing to help write this one.

The premise was good - instead of searching for stolen items or trying to stop a heist, this time Kate and Nick are sent after a missing person. What's supposed to be a quick assignment, basically to keep them from wracking up any more huge expenses for the FBI, turns out to be a case of not only a missing person but also of stolen intellectual property that takes Kate and Nick around the world starting in Hawaii and ending up in Prague. So much for keeping those expenses down!

The book did include the head-shake worthy absurdities that makes this series fun and the descriptions of Hawaii were breathtaking. But other things just did not jive: apparently Kate's boss forgot that Nick's involvement with the FBI is beyond top secret. And Kate apparently forgot that she and Nick have crossed the line into a romantic relationship. There's also a comment Kate makes to her father that actually made me say out loud "Not to mention, he lives with your sister." Apparently, she forgot that too.

I'm not sure if the departure from the regular crew was deliberate or not. Jake was the only one recruited, which was good as it allowed him to get to meet and get to know Nick a little bit...oh wait. That already happened. He's the one who pointed out to Kate she's in love with the man!
Vicky, the Instagram supermodel trophy wife of the missing person, and Kate's cubicle mate, Cosmo, were more annoying than funny and were definitely poor substitutes for Willy and Boyd!

The premise of this series is supposed to be that in order to stay out of jail, Nick has to help catch the FBI's 10 most wanted. Which is genius, in that once Kate and Nick catch one, another moves into that place allowing this series to go on for as long as the authors want it to. And the authors have an out: if they want to end the series, they simply write it so Nick has to go to jail and Kate either gets reassigned or resigns. Hopefully, there will be a book 7 and it will start with Kate or Nick waking up from this book having been a bad dream and the series will get back on track!

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Review: Bringing Adam Home: The Abduction That Changed America

Bringing Adam Home: The Abduction That Changed America by Les Standiford
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Me: "The book I'm listening to is REALLY pissing me off!"

Friend: "Then why are you still listening to it?!"

Me: "It's really good!"

It seems odd to give four stars to a book that angered me so much but this is a pretty powerful book! As a child of the 70's and 80's, I was aware "America's Most Wanted" host John Walsh had a little boy who disappeared. But as a child, I had more important things to worry about than whatever happened to him. So, it was likely natural curiosity about the little boy I grew up vaguely knowing about that led to this book landing a spot on my TBR list.

On July 27, 1981, Reve (Rev-A) Walsh took son Adam to a lamp sale at Sears. Leaving him to play at an Atari display, she headed over a couple of aisles to pick up the lamps. That was the last time she ever saw Adam alive. Two weeks later, his severed head was found in a drainage ditch; the rest of his body would never be found. For the next 27 (!!) years, Reve and John Walsh would be left to wonder what had happened to their son before finally getting closure in December of 2008, thanks in large part to Detective Joe Matthews.

Joe Matthews was working as a detective in Miami when Adam was kidnapped and murdered. Loaned to Hollywood, he quickly dismissed the prime suspect pegged by lead detective, Jack Hoffman. And that's when things went south. I tried to keep in mind I did not know the bias of this book's author as I listened, but man, was this case bungled after the family friend Hoffman wanted to fry was cleared!

With Adam's severed head as the only physical evidence, the case went cold until 1983 when Ottis Toole, while being investigated for another murder, confessed to killing Adam Walsh as well. This would start off a long series of twists and turns in this case with the end result the same at each one: Toole, despite knowing things that were never made public, was never arrested for nor tried for Adam's murder due to lack of physical evidence. As Standiford stated, it's like the Hollywood police department was going out of their way to prove Toole innocent, even though he would ultimately be revealed to be a serial killer!

Over the course of the years, evidence would be found, "lost," not processed, left out of the case file, etc. Clothes matching the description of what Adam was wearing that fateful day were found where Toole hinted his body may be. They were not shown to John and Reve for identification until 15 years later. The ransom letter from Toole John Walsh had the foresight to copy before handing over to the police was never put in the file. Eye witnesses who did not realize at first they had witnessed the abduction and who could positively ID Toole were dismissed. Crime scene photos were never processed - until Matthews, acting as a private investigator in 2008, asked for copies of them. The list goes on and on. As I told my friend, it's like Hoffman decided that since he couldn't have his way, he took his marbles and went home.

I think the thing that made me the most upset about this is there were no repercussions for the long line of officers who so badly mishandled this case. Standiford speculates that rather than face the embarrassment of having botched this so badly, Hollywood just tried to make it go away (to which I thought "Hey! Solving the case would make it go away!")

As Matthews would ultimately prove, this case could have been definitively solved in 1983. Not 2008. 1983. TWO years after Adam Walsh was murdered. But instead his parents had to wait TWENTY-SEVEN years for closure. I can't imagine the anguish of having someone who has intimate knowledge confess only to never be prosecuted because those in charge of the investigation basically just didn't want to do it (as the book makes it sound). Seriously, how the Walshes did not sue the department is beyond me!

Of course, there is good to have come from this senseless crime with the introduction and passage of several laws surrounding the kidnapping and exploitation of missing children. VICAP was created to assist the FBI. "Code Adam" was enlisted by big box stores to mobilize employees when a child is reported missing. And, of course, "America's Most Wanted" has been instrumental in catching well over a thousand fugitives, included several from the FBI's Most Wanted list. As angry as I am as to how this investigation played out over the years, a part of me can't help but wonder if all this good would have still come if the case had been solved quickly?


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The Continuation of Ok Cupid

One of the biggest questions I had about using the site this time was whether or not it was normal to be seeing the same profiles over and over.  It seemed to me that if I was going through my Quickmatch matches and "passed" on someone, they shouldn't keep coming up.  What, if you keep presenting someone to me, I'm suddenly going to want to uproot my life and move to Michigan?  Apparently, 5 times is the magic number for passing on someone for them to stop popping up in Quickmatch, though I haven't tried it in a few days, so Mr. Michigan could still be lurking out there. 

It is no secret Ok Cupid likes to perform behind the scenes social experiments on their members and a few years ago, it came out that members are ranked on level of attractiveness and are only shown the profiles of those within or below their "class."  Members are not given access to the profiles of those deemed to be above them in the hottie department.  By this I am referring to Ok Cupid's many match options in which they send you matches, however, if you do a search on specific criteria they fit into, you will see them.  Or at least some of them.  Being an A-list member, I decided one day to search out the hotties (who quite frankly I didn't find all that attractive.  Yes, most of them were nice to look at, but hardly any looked personable). 

You can search for the most attractive, the above average and the average.  I was surprised by how many men are allegedly using Ok Cupid in this area!  I also did a search using just the criteria of age and "online within the last week."  And this is where the men whose profiles were being presented to me appeared.  Meaning that my Quickmatches, "You Might Like" and weekly new and top matches were primarily those who are deemed to be below average in looks.  Doing some quick math, I determined this to be a pool of 311 men, which goes a long way in explaining why I kept seeing the same profiles over and over.  One can also infer from this I have also been deemed to be below average in looks, which means my profile is not being circulated to a wide audience, which is definitely reflected in my lack of profile views and messages. 

The biggest thing I found with these men, however, was not a disconnect in the looks department.  I believe attractiveness is much more than the face looking back at you.  The disconnect has been in terms of lifestyle.  I may be below average in looks, but I live an above average lifestyle and most of my matches clearly would not be able to keep up with it. 

My account is still active but I've gotten out of the habit of checking it on a daily basis.  Usually if I check it, it is to cite an example when commenting in a message forum I belong to.  I'll likely disable the account when my A-List membership expires in the middle of June.  Overall, this experience has just shown me once again that if I am meant to have a second chance at love, this is not how I'm going to find it.  Now I just need to remember this going forward and stop putting myself through this aggravation!

Seven Days of Ok Cupid: Days 5-7

Going into Day 5, I couldn't remember if weekends had more activity or less.  For me, it was less.  On Day 5, which was a Friday, I emailed two of my intended 4 men during the day and planned to email the other two when I got home.  And then I completely forgot about it.  And then when I remembered, I decided I didn't care. 

For Day 5, I had a total three profile views and received no messages.  Ooh, they are really rolling in now!  However, Friday evening, I did get a message from one of the men I had emailed earlier in the day.  He is currently separated with a divorce that is dragging on.  His profile said he is looking for friends because he is already dating someone and it's getting serious.  He has since removed that from his profile, but is still legally married and that's a road I usually refuse to go down. 

Going into Day 6, I was now behind on my goal of emailing 25 men.  But, there is no rest for the weary and I had a very busy day with photography group, volunteering for Comcast Cares Day (now there's an oxymoron if I ever heard one!) and attending a fundraiser.  Unrelated to Ok Cupid, I have decided I like to attend fundraisers as a volunteer rather than a guest because as a volunteer, afterward, I get the opportunity to tell the organization all the things I think they could have done better.  You don't get to do that as a guest.  Anyway, back to Ok Cupid.  By the time I got home for the day, I really just wanted to go to bed so I didn't bother to get online.  Not that there was anything waiting for me, as I only had one profile view and no messages all day. 

Day 7 was similar to Day 6 in that my morning was tied up with frantic house cleaning (my original plan for Saturday night until I was asked at the last minute to attend the the fundraiser) and then hosting a clothing swap.  My afternoon was spent doing laundry and catching up on some personal finance "stuff."  My evening was spent working on a jigsaw puzzle and binge watching TV while binge eating leftover Costco muffins from the clothing swap.  Is there anything better than a slightly frozen, apple oat-strudelly muffin from Costco?? (Well, maybe a slightly frozen blueberry muffin from Costco).  I could have gone online and emailed the remaining nine men to get me to my goal of 25, but why bother?  Day 7 I received four profile views and one message ("Hi  how are you doing? ?") from a guy who may or may not be real.

My conversation with Day 1 Guy has fizzled out; it appears my conversation with Married Guy is fizzling too.  He did ask if I wanted to meet for a beverage, but with his work schedule can only meet after 9:30 at night, which is a bit too late for me.  (And possibly code for "booty call").  He also potentially lives about an hour away.  But then again, with as bad as Portland traffic is getting, someone who only lives 20 miles from me can also live about an hour away. 

Today is Day 10.  I realized this morning as I was getting ready for work that with my two conversations fizzling out, I don't have to check the site anymore.  That's a bit of a relief as I have definitely seen a downturn in my mood since I logged back in.  I don't like the level of negativity I'm allowing this to bring to my life.  I don't like how it plays into my fears and insecurities of growing old alone.  I don't like how much time I'm devoting to it for no results.  Thirteen of the men I emailed have read the message I sent them; only two - Day 1 Guy and Married Guy - responded back to me.  There are definitely better, happier things I can be doing with my time. I accomplished what I set out to do:  I proved that not all women are flooded with "hundreds" of messages everyday.  Sometimes, it sucks to be right.

Day 10 goal:  make a note to turn off the A-list subscription setting before it automatically renews and disable my account again after the 30 days I paid for are up.

Seven Days of Ok Cupid, Day 4

I wonder how long it takes the average online dater to get discouraged?  Apparently, for me that was partway through Day 3.  At bunco Wednesday night, I told one of the ladies I must have some underlying emotional issue going on because I was binge eating everything in sight and undoing a month and a half of disciplined eating habits - and I didn't care.

It was partway through Day 4 while at the grocery store buying Hostess donuts and debating which grab bag of chips I wanted to devour on the spot I realized that once again, I have let this stupid site affect me negatively.  Old demons have been rushing through my head:  "what IS so wrong with me that I can't attract a man?"  "When my friends try online dating, they get profile views.  They get legitimate messages.  They get dates.  They may not end up in a relationship, but at least they go out with people.  So why am I the only person on the planet who can't seem to get a date from an online dating site?!"

I would understand it if was a matter of men looking at my profile and seeing something that makes them pass.  I get that - I do it too.  If someone answers "No" to  "Are you happy with your life?" then I move on.  I can't create someone's happiness for them anymore than someone can create mine for me.  If someone thinks gay marriage should not be legalized or is a sin, I move on.  I became an ordained minister specifically to marry my gay friends.  So if someone sees I'm a non-drinker and wants a woman he can take out for drinks on Friday night, or if he was attacked by a dog as a child and has a lifelong fear as a result, I can understand the pass.  What I can't understand is why my profile is being viewed by so few.  It's not that they are looking at it and passing for whichever one of their deal breakers I possess, it's that they aren't looking at it at all.  And there's typically only one reason for that:  they don't find me attractive enough to see what I'm all about. 

But again, I have several male friends who have told me I'm attractive and I'm easily on par looks-wise with my female friends who do online dating and they get views, messages and dates so I am really baffled as to why I am virtually invisible. 

For Day 4, I had 13 profile views and received four messages:  three were "filtered" and came with the warning to avoid spam; the fourth was my token fake profile/bot message of the day.  Which means that in 4 days, the only legitimate message I have received came from a 29 year old and that conversation fizzled quickly. 

For my part, I emailed my quota of four men.  I'm finding it's easier to shoot off messages if you don't really care whether or not they respond because deep down, you already know they won't.  I have now emailed 14 men; I have eleven to go to meet my goal for the week so I will likely email another four for Days 5 and 6 and only three on Day 7. 

It's Friday and once again, I will be spending it at home curled up with a book telling myself I'm doing that because I'm choosing to - that it's what I really want to do with my evening when the truth is I just don't have anything else to do because I don't have anyone to do anything with.  More than anything, that was what I was hoping to gain from this latest stint on Ok Cupid - a couple of new friends I could hang out with when all my existing friends disappear come 5:00 on Friday afternoon.

On a positive note, now that I know why I'm binge eating, I can return to my healthier, disciplined diet plan. 

Seven Days of Ok Cupid, Day 3

Am I really only on Day 3?  It feels like longer but at least I'm about halfway done with the first week of my month long subscription.

It turns out I'm a hit with scam artists from the U.K. Sadly, I am not a hit with anyone else.  I had a total of 8 profile views yesterday.  Only three of them met my basic criteria for age range and distance; the other five were the desired age range but did not live near me.  I did receive five messages yesterday, four of which hit my "filtered" folder:

From a gentleman in the U.K., this message came with a warning to avoid internet scams:
"Hello there,
Your simplicity got me attracted to you and your profile words clearly distinguished you as a woman of virtue, intelligent and honesty and it got me fascinated to know you more. I am Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxx, a sociologists by training. I want to know you more.
Cheers."

From a gentleman on the other side of Oregon, who lost me with "sweet baby":
"Hello baby, how's you ?. Sorry for the disturb. Just that I got short alert that we are match so am taking the bold step to write you. I liked your profile and will like to know you if you care to know me too. If you do write me at xxxxxxx111 at hotmail . c o m, I shall be glad if I get a message from you.

Thank you sweet baby"
From a gentleman in Michigan, this one also came with the anti-scam warning:

"Hi baby,Im interested..."
And token message #1 from the bot:

"Pretty smile"
I also received my first message that actually passed my filters of age and distance:

"Hello there."

That one came from someone who had previously "liked" me that I passed on due to the suspicion that it is a fake profile.  If he is real, this is going to happen to him a lot due to the part where he didn't fill out his profile, is looking for women in a rather broad age range, and his lone profile picture is blurry enough that you can't really see what he looks like.

On my end, I achieved my goal of emailing 4 men, bringing my total to 10 of my intended 25 for the week - almost halfway there too!  One of the men I have actually met before several years ago via Meetup so that one was a little awkward to send a message to but I do find him attractive, as I did when I first met him.  What do I have to lose right?  A little dignity, at most.  Of all the men I have messaged so far, my fingers are crossed that this one will email me back. 

I didn't finish going through the men who had "liked" me on Day 1.  That list is up to 23; I have looked at 14 of them.  I have also discovered that some men who come up as Quickmatches "liked" me but they don't show up in the list of men who "liked" me so I'm still not entirely sure how this aspect of the site works.

I went through 10 of the Quickmatches that were sent to me.  I passed on seven; liked three.  I am also still waiting to see if the two with whom there was a mutual "like" will email me, provided they are even real people to begin with. 

I am also starting to see men I have "passed" on or have already emailed are starting to show up in the "you might like" section, which is something that drives me nuts about this site and again makes me wonder about the matching algorithm and computer programming side of things.  In my opinion, there is definitely room for improvement!

I have a busy day today with work, mammograms and volunteering at the Food Bank, but to stay on pace, my Day 4 goal is to email another four men.  Maybe today, my "hundreds" of messages will start flooding in, but I'm not holding my breath.  I look good in blue, but prefer it as a choice for clothing, not skin tone!

Seven Days of Ok Cupid, Day 2

My goals for Day 2 were to read the profiles of the men who "liked" me, go through my Quickmatches to see if I "liked" any of them, email four of the nine men who appeared in my ideal search, respond to the guy from Day 1 who emailed me back and possibly change my screen name.

I was quickly reminded another reason why my stints on the various online dating sites have been so short is that I find wading through profiles to be both tedious and boring.  As I read through them, I was thinking about what a time suck this is and how paying my bills or taking a nice, long, hot bath would be a much better use of my time. 

My list of men who "liked" me had nineteen men on it.  Since four of them don't appear on my Visitors list, I'm guessing they are either A-List members browsing invisibly, or I appeared in their Quickmatch section.  I'm still not entirely sure how that works.  Of the 19, I made it through 11 profiles.  Of the 11, I emailed one and passed on the rest.  My reasons for passing on most of them is they either lived too far away (i.e. Germany), they were too negative in their profile, or they had the hallmarks that indicated their profile might be a fake.  I did "like" someone who "liked" me first so I'm curious as to whether or not he will email me or if his profile is fake as it read as one that could go either way. 

I'm not sure how many of the Quickmatches sent to me I went through as they all tended to blend together.  Again, from Quickmatch you can either "like" or "pass" and I only liked two of them.  I didn't keep track of how many I passed on or the reasons for doing so but I know that a couple of them were because they didn't match my filters.  I have it set that I'd like to meet someone who is between 35-48 and who lives near me.  A 51 year old who lives almost 200 miles away certainly doesn't meet that criteria and makes me wonder if the system just matches you with anyone. 

So the Quickmatch goal wasn't quite completed but I only had 11 profile views yesterday and only received 3 messages - two from scammers and one from a 29 year old - so it's not going to take me a lot of time to wade through yesterday's "results" and I should be able to make it through the rest of those profiles today. 

The next goal was to respond to Day 1 Guy.  That was easy enough; he again replied back but based on prior experience I get the sense that conversation is going nowhere.  As did the conversation with the 29 year old, who I responded to but whose response to me gave me nothing to comment back on.  I also changed my screen name to one that is more generic as I wondered how many people "got" my old one and if that was hampering my profile views. 

The hardest part was emailing four of the nine remaining matches from my ideal criteria search.  I changed my search to include men who "might" want children and that bumped my matches to 31.  In the end, I did email four men yesterday:  one from my now expanded search, one who "liked" me, and two who appeared in the "you might like" section.  While I have always appreciated getting messages that indicate the guy read my profile, I really have to give props to men who take time to write a nice, well-thought out message.  It is not an easy thing to do. 

I was going to email a fifth guy.  I was checking out his profile and it popped up he was checking out mine.  Fate?  Nope, when I went to email him, I got an error message that profile didn't exist so he either deleted it or blocked me.

Two days in and I can already tell I paid $20 for nothing.  My goals for Day 3 are to finish reading the profiles of the men who have "liked" me so far, go through any new Quickmatches I have and email four men.