In my pre-James dating days, such that they were, I often was told that the guy just wanted to be friends but he hoped to meet someone just like me someday; that I was the type of woman he could see being with. It was always said in a way that somehow tried to convey there was a compliment in there somehow. I always found it frustrating, however, because here's a newsflash: you did meet someone just like me. ME. It doesn't get anymore me-like than yours truly.
After James died, the first guy I had a connection with, my dear widower friend, also told me he could see himself with someone like me someday. Being that he was grief-stricken, I didn't smack him or point out the obvious. If I remember correctly, and those early days are more than slightly hazy, when he said that I had to fight the urge to flee the room. However, the next time I talked to him, I did tell him I felt the same way-I do remember that. Now that the grief blinders aren't on nearly as tightly, I think we both know there's someone else out there for the both of us. I did have someone recently tell me when she met him (here for game night) she thought we were a couple because it was clear we had a deep appreciation for each other. I thought that was really sweet-and definitely true.
Back at the beginning of March, I met a guy at a Meetup event. I was talking to some woman and looked across the room and thought "oohh..who's that?" We ended up sitting next to each other for the event (comedy show) and then saw each other again a couple of days later at another event. We were having dinner and chatting and one second everything was fine but literally the next second my Spidey sense was on full alert. I never did figure out why but I know myself well enough to know if Spidey is activated, I need to listen!
Not long after that he started dating someone which did not work out. I was surprised (and leery) to get a random text from him one night at the end of April saying he would see me at an event the next day and that he was looking forward to the event. I had deleted him from my phone so I was mostly surprised he still had my number. (He was added back a couple of weeks after this happened. And then almost deleted again-twice).
The event ended up being a lot of fun but I didn't know at the time that he and the girl were no longer together though I kind of had a feeling that was the case based on something I partially overheard. It was confirmed the next weekend when we once again found ourselves at the same event and it came up in a conversation about dating.
Over the last couple of months, we have found ourselves signing up for a lot of the same events-we have several groups in common-to the point I gave him a hard time a couple of weeks ago for knowing my schedule better than I do. We haven't both made it to all the events we've signed up for-things come up, but we have been to quite a few. We did an event this past weekend that he suggested and I set up. We get along great-we have similar senses of humor so he definitely makes me laugh. He seems to enjoy being around me-and I do enjoy his company. He's a genuinely nice guy and as indicated by us signing up for the same events, we have similar interests. He's smart. He has dogs. And he's cute (damn-is he cute!). And he has a great voice. He called about an event the other night and listening to his message I found myself thinking how much I liked the tone of his voice. (It has not escaped my attention that the last guy whose voice I fell in love with I was planning to spend my life with). But he's made it pretty clear he's not interested and there just doesn't seem to be a spark there (which I think is what the Spidey sense was trying to say).
The last couple of times I've seen him, I have found myself thinking "I wish could meet someone just like him." (Oh, the irony). Which is followed up with: "Um, yeah, you kinda have." (Really? Spell check lets "kinda" slip but flags "colonoscopy"-which has nothing to do with this post-as spelled wrong?). So that is followed up with "Fine. I wish I could meet someone just like him but who's interested in me." Inner Heather can be such a pain at times.
I finally get it. And it's just as frustrating to be the one thinking it as it is to be the one hearing it.