Thursday, May 5, 2011


Hello. My name is Heather and I'm addicted to online dating.  Or, rather, not dating.  I think I'm really just addicted to hope and when I see others around me have some measure of success, whether it leads to happily ever after or not, I think "well, hey, that can happen for me too."  Except it never does.

Last month, I decided to try  I tried them about this time last year and my profile was rejected.  But a couple of friends have been getting dates/girlfriends this way so I thought "hey, me too!" and signed up for a month.  I figured having to pay for it would make it better.  I was ready to be done after three days.

As the month went on, I continued to become more and more discouraged.  My low number of profile views once again brought Dad back to the surface: "What's so wrong with you that you can't attract a man?"  I don't know, Dad, wish I did.

In one month's time, my profile was viewed 222 times by 148 men.  I know one of them viewed it about 5 times.  One thing I don't like about Match is it shows you who viewed your profile but not when.  And while it shows you who viewed you, it doesn't show you who you viewed.  I know I viewed a couple more than once because I couldn't remember if I viewed them already or just made a mental note to view them.  So, I don't know how many profiles I viewed but I know I didn't view all 148 who viewed me.  Pretty much everyone said the same thing anyway.  Almost everyone is athletic and toned, loves to work out and does so at least 5 times a week, doesn't smoke, is a social drinker, loves kids and the outdoors, doesn't watch TV and has at least one picture in which they are holding a fish.  The good thing is they all like dogs.  The weird thing is how many people from Meetup I recognized.

Of the 148 men who viewed me, 4 winked at me.  The first was a 47-year-old whose profile says he's interested in someone who is 45-58.  I am 37.  At my co-worker's urging, I winked back.  The next day his profile was no longer available.

The second was from a 49-year-old in the UK.  My profile says I am looking for someone aged 30-44 within 50 miles of where I live.  Which is not the UK or anywhere remotely close to it.

The third one I did email back and forth with a couple of times but his responses didn't really move conversation forward and it died out.  He did "favorite" me but later unfavorited me.

The last was from someone who kind of creeped me out.  I thanked him for the wink but said I didn't think we'd be a good match.

I sent 28 winks.  Six of them viewed my profile.  One sent me the generic "thanks, but no thanks" message.  Two others sent the "thanks, but no thanks" message without viewing my profile. 

Other than Wink #3, I did not receive e-mails from anyone but sent 14.  Again, six members viewed my profile.  One sent a "thanks, but no thanks."  I e-mailed back and forth a couple of times with two others, but again, conversation died out.  A fourth e-mailed me thanking me for sending a message of substance but said he was so discouraged with online dating that he was done pursuing it.  He did not view my profile.

I don't know what normal is in terms of response, but I feel this isn't it.  I was thinking about paying for a second month and putting up an identical profile of Plenty of Fish so I could compare the experience of a free vs a paid site but I don't think I am going to do this.  Over the weekend, I stayed away from Match and didn't miss it.  Instead I went out and had fun with my friends.  A lot of fun.  And that is what I need to be doing.  The rest will come.  If it's meant to.  I snapped my fingers and willed someone to fall in love with me.  He's cute, nice, he makes me laugh and he loves dogs; he has two.  Wouldn't it be funny if of all things that actually worked?

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