Monday, September 13, 2010

Oh Boy

Way back in March, I briefly met a guy through the fun Meetup group at a showing of "Easy Rider" (I so did NOT see that ending coming) at the Portland Art Museum.  It was a brief encounter and I thought nothing of it.  At the time, I was still wondering if I would ever be ready to date and still had some pretty huge walls up (as compared to the not quite as tall walls I have built up now).

I ran into him again at our group's monthly potluck and book club discussion in May.  ("Catcher in the Rye."  Hated it).  Again, it was a brief meeting with really no interaction although I did learn a couple of things about him in the course of the discussion about the book.  I thought he was kind of shy with a really cute smile and a name I would never be able to pronounce.  (He's Indian.  As in from India, not Native American).

At the end of June, he came to one of the volunteer projects I hosted at the Food Bank.  The group of us went out for drinks afterward-I figured it was the least we could do as he drove a little over an hour (each way) for a 2-hour project.  (It feels really weird to say "went out for drinks" when I'm allergic to alcohol).

In July, he co-hosted an event with the main organizer of the fun group:  a potluck and outdoor screening of "Up in the Air."  (I love that I can access past months of the group's calendar online).  We have a lot of potlucks in this group.  We joke it is how the main organizer does his grocery shopping.  At this event, he came up and gave me a big hug, but I didn't really get a chance to talk to him.  I had friends there and he was busy running the projector equipment.  It was pretty late when the movie ended and I didn't stay for too long as I was pretty tired. 

As I have been broadening my horizons by joining other groups, I have noticed he's in a lot of the same groups as I am.  Last month, when I went to my first event with the 30's Group, he was a welcome sight as the only person there that I had already met.  We got into a discussion about books but he left before I had a chance to mention a book I have that I thought he might enjoy.  So I e-mailed him about it and he did think he would enjoy it and offered to lend me a couple of his in return.  I replied with which ones I wouldn't mind reading.  And that was the end of that.  He never responded to my second e-mail so I wrote him off.  Ever since James died, I am really quick to write people off if they disappoint me (except NLNG-the one person I should write off).

And then I ran into him Friday at a Meetup event for a dog lovers group.  Because Mother Nature apparently did not get the memo this is supposed to be summer, it was chilly.  We ended up sharing my blanket.  (Guess who ended up with most of it?  Yep, he who made fun of me for being so bundled up).  There were only 5 of us that went to the movie and afterward, he and I went for a drink.  (The Lucky Lab has really good lemonade).  We were there for just under 2 hours and I swear in that time, I learned more about him than I have about NLNG in 5 1/2 months (saw him this weekend too.  He called me "Sweetie."  First time he has used a pet name.  Not really sure where that came from or what to do with it).  I had already picked up a few things along the way:  he likes movies, likes to read (yea), would not only support my volunteer efforts but on occasion would join me (yea), loves dogs (BIG yea), and he might be the only person I have ever met that talks faster than I do-which is pretty fast.  I also learned that he is only 29-yikes!! (coo coo ca choo, Mrs. Robinson).  I didn't learn anything about him that made me want to run screaming from the pub.  Actually, I want to learn more about him-especially his culture.  And how to pronounce his last name.  I think it might be the same as the one (tangible) thing I am terrified of.  During the conversation, I told him about Schoolhouse Supplies (when you have two people who talk at warp-speed, you can cover a lot of ground in 2 hours).  Saturday, he went out and bought supplies to donate to them.  Now we are trying to work out how he is going to get them to me.

I drove home thinking that was how I remembered it being with James-and how it should feel even though this wasn't a date.  This is not how it feels with NLNG.  With him, conversation feels like a chore.  I can't get him to open up to me and now that I know the type of guy I would like to date exists, it makes me really feel like I would be settling if I tried to make it work with NLNG.  The only problem is NLNG is the one that is (sometimes) interested and this other guy is not.  And I don't know when or if another other guy is going to enter my life.  I have known this guy for 6 months and have no reason to think he is or ever will be interested in me-maybe if I was 25 and never married instead of 36 and widowed I would have a better chance.

When I got home Friday night (okay, technically it was Saturday morning, but just barely), I found myself telling God that was the type of person I wanted to meet.  "Technically, you already have" said the little voice in my head.  I can't argue that's not a good point.  So I amended it to he's the type of person I want to meet who is also looking to meet me.  Apparently, specifics are required.  It does give me hope though that one day, I will meet someone who instead of frustrating and confusing me makes my heart sing again.

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