CGFO

Mid-October, my Male Perspective Canadian Friend (who I'm sure is getting a swelled head with all these shout outs) told me to just have fun with my friends and not focus on one person and when I meet CGFO (aka Cute Guy For October) he wanted to hear about him.  Well, it took me until the 11th hour but I did indeed meet CGFO.  I've been feeling pretty down about myself lately-feeling very much like a defect, or as someone on the widow/ers board put it, like a little green alien that is to be avoided at all costs.  So meeting CGFO came at a very good time. 

There is a musician in my fun Meetup group who had a gig last Friday night.  Another member of the group posted it as an event.  He's a nice guy, so I decided to go.  I sent a text to my good friends to see what they were up to and got a reply they were going to an 80's Nite Halloween party.  For the first time in years, I did not make any attempt to dress up this year for Halloween.  That was something I really only did the last few years for James and now that he is most definitely gone, I don't have to take one for the team and dress up and go to a party if I don't want to.  So I didn't.  I told my friend I didn't feel like dressing up.  She texted me back a little later they decided not to go dancing-they were going to go Saturday instead and were coming to the gig with me.  I replied there was a Meetup group that had an event at a comedy club and we should crash it after the gig.  She agreed that would be fun.  (I'm such a respectful Meetup organizer.  Technically, we just showed up at a public place where a Meetup group just happened to be.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it). 

When we got to the comedy club, the first show wasn't over yet so we had to stand outside.  We didn't make any attempt to mingle with the group though that did happen when I agreed I would go dancing Saturday but whined about having to come up with a costume (Whiny Heather:  "Can't I just wear what I have on now and bring my Super Soaker and say I am a disgruntled postal worker?"  Random Guy:  "We're beyond the point of disgruntled postal workers.  Just say you're a disgruntled American."  Guy who I think is the group organizer:  "Just get a t-shirt that says "This is my costume.""  Me:  "Ooh, I can do that.  Thanks!"  I really didn't feel like going dancing since I was ganged up on by three men who I'm 99% were Nigerian scammers the last time I was at this club so I ended up going to the corn maze instead).

We sat apart from the group (since we aren't in it) and were talking amongst ourselves when the guy in front of us turned around and asked how we were doing.  We said we were fine.  He asked if we had been with the group long and I said we weren't with the group, we just saw "this" was going on and decided it looked like fun.  He said he did the same thing, which I didn't get the full meaning of until I got home, Cyber stalked (at least I'm honest about it) and discovered he isn't in the group either.  About this time, the emcee mentioned that there were plenty of seats up front so he got up and moved.  My friends looked at me and asked if we were moving.  The guy had a bit of a dork vibe to him and a nice smile so I said "Oh yeah.  We're moving."  He and I chatted and laughed until the show started.  Of course, he's cute so we mostly talked about the weather in Arizona (see earlier post about not being able to talk to cute boys).  However, I did manage to mention what Meetup groups I do belong to and we do have one in common.  So I definitely let him know how to find me.  (Or avoid me come to think of it).

When the show was over, he reached across me and shook hands with my friends and said it was nice to meet them.  I was still seated and when I stood up, I offered my hand to shake and said it was really nice to meet him.  His smile got bigger and he said it was really nice to meet me too.  He briefly held my hand after shaking it (that alone was worth the admission price of the show).

I know there is a chance I will never see this guy again and this was just a chance encounter designed to make me feel better about myself.  And it did.  (Note to Universe:  I am okay with running into him again, just in case you are wondering or bored and want to make that happen).  Once upon a time, a guy saw me at the front desk at work and said "Who's that?"  Not long after that, I fell in love with him.  And what I want now is another guy to look at me and say "Who's that?"  (I really don't think I ask for much).  I don't know why this was different from the other guys I have met since James died, but CGFO made me feel like that was actually a possibility.  But more importantly, for that brief time, I didn't feel like a little green alien that makes leprosy seem like a desirable trait.  I felt like I was any other normal single girl.  And I really needed that more than anything.