Here we go again...

Apparently when I say I am never going to do something, I don't really mean it.  For example, up until three weeks ago, I swore I would never buy or eat Gardenburgers.  There's a package of them in my freezer, minus one.  The Gardenburger tacos did not turn out as well as I had hoped but Gardenburgers actually aren't that bad-especially with horse radish or pepperjack cheese.  I also swore I would never do acupuncture but tomorrow I am calling an acupuncturist as that might be my only hope of getting rid of this sinus infection as antibiotics don't seem to be an option now that I'm for sure allergic to one class and most likely allergic to a second class as well.  I also swore I was never going to try online dating again.  Yeah, about that...

Last Sunday I went to an event called "Suck My Flick."  This is a monthly competition in which local filmmakers submit short films and the audience votes via text message for their favorite.  The winner is announced at the end of the night.  I was intrigued so I went with one of my Meetup groups.  This is a group I had wanted to join for quite some time but didn't because NLNG seemed to do a lot with it and at the time, I didn't want the temptation to sign up for events knowing he'd be at them.  I finally joined the group a month or so ago after realizing I didn't care if I ever saw him again (though I knew I would eventually) and that temptation was no longer an issue.  So here I was enjoying "Suck My Flick" when I glance across the room and see him-looking awfully cozy with some girl.  I tried to tell myself the light was low and maybe it was just someone who looked like him in the low light.  And then he laughed and I knew for sure it was him.  And I wanted nothing more than to just throw up.  At one point, he walked right by me; if he saw me, he didn't acknowledge it.  I don't want him, and I knew I was going to run into him again some day, but I would have preferred if I had prior knowledge about it.  And if I was the one with a date.  (Yes, I realize that's shallow).

My Guy Pal and our other friend have also been dating new people and this is a rough time of year for me as it is as this is when I met James back in 1999.  I found myself wondering if I should have tried harder with NLNG (NO!!) and wondering if I am destined for a life of loneliness after all (again).  The holidays have certainly heightened that sense of being surrounded by nothing but couples.

Thursday, I only had a half day of work.  I spent part of the afternoon working on a data entry project for my favorite non-profit.  It takes forever for each record to save.  I was bored.  And lonely. And feeling dejected.  And there was no one on Facebook.  And before I knew it, I had started a profile on one of the free sites.  I've had 64 visitors to my profile so far; only one has sent me a message which simply said "nice profile."  This time I am going into this with the expectation that nothing will come of it, but I suspect it won't take too long before I get discouraged and call it quits.  Again.

I really hate being single again.  And I'm starting to worry about all those other things I swore I would never do...