Dream

Last Thursday morning my good friend called me first thing in the morning.  She'd had a dream she wanted to tell me about.  It was about James. 

She and I were at a rental place hanging out with some of our friends.  My friend noticed that James was there and pointed him out to me.  I told her that every year about a week before the anniversary of his death, he came back.  She asked if I told him what happens.  I told her I tell him to go to the doctor.  She said "you know, you can fix this."  My response was that he's gone again on the 6th and then I have to wait a year before I get another chance to tell him.

The scene shifted and we were in a parking lot.  I was looking for my car and taking my time because there were a lot of spiders and spiderwebs in the parking lot.  My friend was with James, who was dancing around acting like the life of the party that he was.  He was happy, had his hair short and was wearing the overalls he had used for his redneck Halloween costume in 2006.  She told him to go to the doctor.  James told her I already made him go.  She said he needed to have an angiogram; he said he didn't need that because he was healthy but agreed to an EKG.  She told him that wasn't enough; there was something wrong with his heart and he needed more tests.  She told him he was going to think she was insane but he died from a heart attack and had been coming back every year the week before the anniversary of his death but he could go and get it fixed so the cycle stopped happening.  He looked at her like she was crazy and asked "I died and I come back every year?"  She repeated he needed to go get it fixed and if he couldn't do that then he needed to do a better job of giving us signs and he needed to talk to me. 

She was talking quickly because I was coming back over to where they were.  I told them I couldn't find the car.  My friend told me that if he got it fixed everything would be gone.  I asked her what she meant by that.  She told me that the new life I have built for myself, all the things I've done, all the new friends I made would no longer exist-that it never would have.  "Huh" was all I said and she woke up.

Huh, indeed.