I am one that prefers to stay behind the scenes. I do not like to draw attention to myself, and I do not like to be the center of attention-unless its my birthday because that is the one day that really should be all about me. Everybody's birthday should be all about them; its their own special holiday.
It's not that I don't have an interest in stepping up or out of my comfort zone, its that I have been painfully shy my entire life. I can sit here and hide behind a computer screen "talking" to others until my fingers fall off, but out in the real world, I am very much aware of where the exits are and the quickest route to get there. Once I get to know people, I don't shut up but initially, I am very anxious of strangers-almost terrified, which is interesting given that I do a lot of volunteer projects where I don't know anyone ahead of time. That has helped draw me out of my shell some.
Being that he was a Gemini, James was good for me in this aspect. He was quite the social butterfly and people just gravitated to him. He always made sure I was okay though; he made sure that I was relaxed and having fun. Now that he is gone, it would be so easy for me to just retreat and never voluntarily face another situation where I didn't know a single soul. But that is not what I am going to do. In fact, I am doing the opposite of that. I have agreed to be a project leader for a group I regularly volunteer for, and I have started a Meetup group for young widow and widowers in this area. I am sure that the evening of the first meeting, I am going to be full of butterflies and wanting to back out-my typical response for the unknown social setting. But I know that I won't do that-I will go to the dinner and meet these new people who have unfortunately also lost their partner way too early. I am hoping this group will help us all in our healing process or provide support for those who may not be blessed with a wonderful family and friends like I am.
I have to admit I am proud of myself for taking the first step and setting up this group. It is definitely a huge thing for me to have done and I feel really good about it, even though the reason this group is needed totally blows.