I have been thinking lately that I need to start exercising and eating better. I haven't been taking good care of myself because I just haven't cared to. James is gone and while I don't have a death wish, I don't really have much of a will to live either if it means spending the rest of my life alone and with the pain of missing him. As a result of this, my serotonin levels are almost non-existent. I have no energy and my emotional state has been very low and continues to drop.
I know I need to make this change. My therapist and I discussed it on Monday. She suggested I join the YMCA. I think that is a good idea if I can afford it. I drive by it every day on my way to and from work so I would have no excuse not to go. It would help my mood and my overall health considerably. The pains in my side would subside. I know I need to do something but still am having a hard time with that last push of motivation. (The extreme heat is not helping matters!)
I got that today in the mail. I had two things from the doctor's office. I figured it was my little post card from my ultrasound and pap and the pamphlet they said they would send about fibroid tumors.
It was the pamphlet and the results of my glucose and cholesterol tests. I was expecting my cholesterol to be high and my glucose to be fine. I figured my high cholesterol would motivate me to take better care of myself. Last year, my cholesterol was 218. This year, it is 197. Woo-hoo!! Bacon cheeseburger, here I come!!
My glucose is fine too. The upper end of the normal range is 99 mg. Mine is 99. You would think that would be a relief and it is and it isn't. Yes, it is normal-barely. One more mg and I would be considered pre-diabetic.
I am 35. When my dad was 35, he was as healthy as a horse. He did not develop diabetes until he was in his 40's. He died when he was 53.
I don't want that to be me. And it very easily could be if I don't start making some changes now. Even though the results are normal, this scares me. This scares me so much more than the thought they could be wrong about the tumor being a fibroid when it is really cancerous. And that fear is just the kick I needed to get my butt in gear.