I have never been one for decorating my house, much to the chagrin of my mother who changes everything down to her curtains just about every season. When she moved back to Idaho several years ago, she stayed with my brother for a month and drove him nuts with all her ideas of what he needed/should do to decorate his house. He still bitches about that. When James died and she saw my house for the first time, she offered some suggestions as to what I should do with it which I just ignored. For me, it is not so much the decor that matters but the feel. And my house feels like a home. Even with James gone, you can still feel the love when you walk in the door. (Once you get past the excitement of the boys, who you would think have never seen people before, that is).
But as part of the grief recovery process, I do feel it wouldn't hurt to add a few feminine touches here and there as part of that whole making the house "mine" instead of "ours" thing. My friend offered to help me with that, which I wisely did not tell my mother when she told me about this season's curtain scheme (blue, I think. I wasn't really listening). I would have gotten another lecture on how I need to get some pretty curtains. My mom is very big on her curtains. I don't want curtains-I have really cool wood blinds. Well, they look like wood anyway. My friend and I have looked at a couple of stores and I have pointed out a few things I like so she is keeping that in the back of her mind when she is out and about. She changes her house around from time to time and it always looks nice so I trust her. And yes, she does have curtains. But just on one window. She has blinds on the rest.
Today on my way home, I stopped to get a birthday present for a friend and ended up getting a few things for myself. I really shouldn't have spent the money, but I justified it by everything I bought for myself being 20% off.
The first thing I got was a 12" x 12" square wall hanging with a seashell in the middle that says "It's not what you look at that matters," down most of the left side and "it's what you see." across most of the bottom. The shell looks like it is sitting on a antique yellow fabric square and the background behind it is different blues and browns. I am going to put this in my master bathroom, which is light blue with a darker marble looking blue counter. I have always thought some sort of nautical theme would work in there. My real reason for putting this in there, however, is so I will see it when I am getting ready in the morning and remind myself to really look at the person I am-not just the package I come in.
The second thing I got is a small plaque (about 9" x 4") that has a small blue butterfly in the lower left corner and a weird purple and blue flower with a green stem and leaves on the right side that says "Life is a journey not a Destination" on the left above the butterfly. I am not yet sure where this is going to go; I am thinking maybe by James' picture and his urn for now. It is a reminder to take the time to enjoy life now and not worry so much about getting to my future.
The last plaque I got is also small-about 5" x 7"- and has a daisy at the top and one of my new found favorite quotes in the middle: "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." It says Dance across the bottom. As any fan of Grey's Anatomy can tell you, sometimes you just have to dance it out. I am thinking about finding a spot here in the office for this one. This is my reminder to learn to find and appreciate the good in life even when it all seems to be going downhill.
There was one other plaque I was really tempted to get. It says "I am not a fast cook and I am not a slow cook. I am a half-fast cook." I'm actually a pretty decent cook; I just thought that was really funny, especially when you say it out loud. The sale goes for another couple of days. I may have to go back for that.
With what little I have done so far, I have come to realize that no matter what I put on the walls or how many rooms I paint, James' essence will still be here and I am more than fine with that. It's what makes my house my home. But making my home a little more girly (I am SO not a girly girl) won't hurt anything and could actually be fun. But don't tell Mom I said that.