Wednesday, September 30, 2009

New Meetup Group

In an effort to get out more and meet new people, I have joined several groups through Some are special interest-oriented; some are for singles. I have been frustrated with most of the singles groups, however, as most of the events revolve around drinking and I am not a drinker due to that pesky little alcohol allergy of mine.

Every now and then, I check out the groups again to see if any of the groups I was on the fence about joining appeal to me or are more active than when I last looked (like the travel group that hasn't had a meeting/event since December) or if there are any new ones I might be interested in joining.

Yesterday, when I was supposed to be sleeping off the lingering effects of the sedative I was given for a routine medical procedure (boy did I sleep well last night!), I decided to check again for new groups. And I found one called "Anyone Can Join." So I did. I am actually excited for this group. So far, it looks like exactly what I have been looking for: volunteer opportunities, new restaurants, swing dance lessons, cooking demonstrations, pumpkin carving, walks through different neighborhoods. A social group (it's open to singles and couples) with variety that does something other than go out and drink. Yea!

I have actually met one of the co-organizers for this group. He and I were both at a night hike earlier this year. It was his first hike with the group and it was the first time I had gone as a member of the group and not as a guest of my friend. My friend was not there that night. Neither of us knew anyone else there and both gravitated towards a really welcoming and funny pair of gay men. He seemed nice enough and we had a decent conversation going for part of the hike. Of course, he couldn't get away fast enough once it came out that I am a widow. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him at any hikes since then. I am curious as to whether or not he will remember me.

I am not holding out hope that I will meet MH #2 through this group as I have checked the attendance for the events they have already had and as with everything else I do, the majority of the attendees have been women-the only non-women have been the two organizers. (The museum group outing I did Saturday did have several men but I am pretty sure only one of them was under the age of 50. Of the 18 of us, I think only 3 or 4 including myself were under the age of 50). Of the 149 members currently in this new group, only 38 are men. I have also decided that I am not going to pursue dating until I get my braces off (which could be as soon as 3 months from now-WOO-HOO!-but should not be any longer than 6 months-yea! I miss popcorn and would love a Twix bar right about now). But, this group is just getting started and they already have quite a few events on the calendar that sound like they are right up my alley and the organizers have already posted that they welcome activity ideas from the members of the group. Now if I can just find an activity that doesn't conflict with my volunteer commitments...


Shannon said...

Why would he split because you are a widow??? What would that have to do with ANYTHING????? What a weirdo! Talk about having issues. Okay, if that bothers someone, fine, but at least give the person a chance before splitting. Personally, I don' se what this has to do with anything. So, what, if you both were dating a year and you had something stuck in your tooth, he would run out the door? Please! Keep searching my friend. He IS out there!

Heather said...


It is VERY common for people our age to be uncomfortable with it. Things like this happen to young widow/ers ALL the time. People in their 30's & 40's don't want to face their own mortality and they don't know how to react to it or what to say so they beat a hasty retreat instead. One of the most common "side effects" of this is the loss of friends.

Saturday, after our museum walk, 5 of us went to lunch. As we were walking to the restaurant, I was talking to the organizer and another guy about the challenges of organizing a group. The organizer asked what group I organize. I said it was the young widows and widowers group. The organizer took it in stride, the other guy immediately dropped back and started talking to someone else.

People tend to treat young widow/ers like we have a contagious disease which is partly why so many of us try to use our blogs to educate others on what it is like to go through this.

SHannon said...

That is terrible, but maybe one day you will meet the other half of the "young widows organizer's group for men", and BAM instant connection! I just think that's judgemental! I think what you are doing is GREAT and I wish you all the luck in the world. I am here if you ever need to vent!