(It is really hard to type with a cocker spaniel sitting on my lap, but he doesn't seem willing to budge, so I am going to give it a try. I blame him for any typos).
Deja vu. It's not an uncommon phenomenon and is one with many possible explanations. Someone once told me to experience deja vu meant my life was on track-that I was on the path on which I was supposed to be. I liked that explanation and now whenever I experience deja vu, I am filled with peace that while I don't know where I am headed, at least I am going in the right direction.
I had a moment of deja vu on Tuesday. I was at a birthday dinner for one of the girls in the fun Meetup group. I RSVP'd for it last week when it was posted on the calendar, but I almost backed out at the last minute. Thanks to everything blooming way early, my allergies have been acting up and I didn't feel good. But I realized that at a Mediterranean restaurant, I was likely to get something with chicken (I don't eat lamb) and that would be healthier than anything I fixed for dinner at home.
So I went. I was sitting across from the birthday girl, talking to her and half-listening to the conversations around us when our meals came. She thought mine looked good and asked what it was. I told her it was the chicken shwarma but I got it as a platter instead of a sandwich. She asked what shwarma was. The server had left a couple of menus on our table so I grabbed one so I could just point it out to her on the menu. As I pointed it out, I knew she was going to ask me to read it so I just started to read it. She interrupted me by saying "oh good. You read it. When I put my contacts in, I lose my ability to read up close." As I started reading again, I knew with sudden clarity I had done this before: it was all familiar. The way I was sitting and holding the menu. The way she was leaning in to hear me. The decor of the room-which suddenly seemed brighter. All of it. For a brief moment, I knew exactly what was going to come next. And it did. But I haven't been there before. I had never even heard of it before I saw the event posted on the calendar. It was just "one of those things."
After we finished eating, we were chatting amongst ourselves and I was kind of listening to a conversation at my table about the different neighborhoods in Chicago and a conversation at another table about dating. One of the girls saw I was kind of listening and invited me to their table. She was saying how living in the Midwest the pickings were slim when it came to dating and she'd only been asked out twice since moving here. I related the story of the only time I have been asked on a date since James died-it was 13 months after he died and when I was asked, I came thisclose to throwing up. And not in the good "OMG! The captain of the football team just asked me to prom" sort of way. Needless to say, I didn't go. But every now and then I think "what if for the rest of my life that is the only invitation I ever get?" and wonder if I should reconsider.
I was replaying this as I was driving home. I was on the Banfield and the car suddenly swerved. It does that sometimes on the freeway but this was much more severe than usual. I really had to crank the wheel back to avoid going in the other lane. "You've got to STOP doing that!" I yelled. It really freaks me out when that happens especially since it only happens when I am driving James' car and never when I am driving mine.
And then I thought "Okay. You've got my attention. Maybe I am supposed to notice something." And I glanced over to the car that was passing me in the speedy lane and noticed the license plate read "PROV 31." Really? Again with the Bible verses? Okay, I know I have said (repeatedly) that if I am going to get a sign it needs to be a neon billboard. (Pretty sure the car wasn't a Neon. Do people still drive those?) And I know beggars can't be choosers. But sending someone who always scored very low in reading comprehension Bible verses isn't helpful, although I do understand that it does give me somewhere to look even if I don't get the point.
So when I got home, I looked up Proverbs 31. And then I Googled it to find out what it meant. The woman in Proverbs 31 is the ideal woman. What I got out of it is that she is a strong, capable woman. She is worthy. I am certainly those things, but I still don't get it. As with the other license plates, I feel like I am missing the point. I am just not seeing what I am supposed to get out of this. I now have "Don't Settle," "Wild 4 You," and two Bible verses. What completes this puzzle?
At least I'm on the right path to finding out.