Thursday, June 17, 2010

Internal Monologue

Over the last couple of weeks as I have tried to force myself to accept the reality of being blown off by New Guy, I have had quite the internal monologue with myself.  I'm pretty much sick of listening to it.

"He's just not that into you if he's not calling you."
"Maybe he's just really busy."
"It takes 2 minutes to send a text message.  He could do that while he's in the can.  Even the busiest of people need a bathroom break now and then."
"He's an idiot.  His loss."
"Just because he isn't feeling it doesn't mean he's an idiot.  It just means I'm not the right one."
"But I met him just the way it was predicted I would.  So does that mean there isn't a second chance at love for me?"
"I don't believe in fate, angels, or any of that cosmic bullshit anymore."
"I really wish I could stop believing that things happen for a reason and this was all a coincidence."
"What did I do wrong to make this happen?"
"There could be a million reasons why this happened that have nothing to do with you."
"Did I come across as desperate?  Was I too aloof?"
"Was he ever really interested at all?  Did he look at me and think "who's that" or did he look at me and think "Bingo! She has lonely written all over her face.""
"Maybe he doesn't really like the dogs."
"Maybe things were going too fast and it freaked him out."
"Maybe things were going too slow and he got bored."
"How do I accept being alone for the rest of my life?"
"I wish James was still here."
"Did I not seem interested enough?"
"I want a second chance.  I want a do over.  But will I just screw that up too?"
"Maybe I should just be alone for the rest of my life.  This is too hard."
"I have my dogs.  That's all I really need."
"But my dogs aren't going to live forever."
"Aw, look how cute they are."
"I hate this life.  I want my old life back."
"Maybe he'll still call."
"He's not going to call."
"I wonder what he's doing?"
"I don't (shouldn't) care what he's doing.  He doesn't care what I'm doing."
"I just wish I knew where I went wrong."
"I just wish I had a crystal ball that showed me everything is going to be okay."

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