I wonder how long it takes the average online dater to get discouraged? Apparently, for me that was partway through Day 3. At bunco Wednesday night, I told one of the ladies I must have some underlying emotional issue going on because I was binge eating everything in sight and undoing a month and a half of disciplined eating habits - and I didn't care.
It was partway through Day 4 while at the grocery store buying Hostess donuts and debating which grab bag of chips I wanted to devour on the spot I realized that once again, I have let this stupid site affect me negatively. Old demons have been rushing through my head: "what IS so wrong with me that I can't attract a man?" "When my friends try online dating, they get profile views. They get legitimate messages. They get dates. They may not end up in a relationship, but at least they go out with people. So why am I the only person on the planet who can't seem to get a date from an online dating site?!"
I would understand it if was a matter of men looking at my profile and seeing something that makes them pass. I get that - I do it too. If someone answers "No" to "Are you happy with your life?" then I move on. I can't create someone's happiness for them anymore than someone can create mine for me. If someone thinks gay marriage should not be legalized or is a sin, I move on. I became an ordained minister specifically to marry my gay friends. So if someone sees I'm a non-drinker and wants a woman he can take out for drinks on Friday night, or if he was attacked by a dog as a child and has a lifelong fear as a result, I can understand the pass. What I can't understand is why my profile is being viewed by so few. It's not that they are looking at it and passing for whichever one of their deal breakers I possess, it's that they aren't looking at it at all. And there's typically only one reason for that: they don't find me attractive enough to see what I'm all about.
But again, I have several male friends who have told me I'm attractive and I'm easily on par looks-wise with my female friends who do online dating and they get views, messages and dates so I am really baffled as to why I am virtually invisible.
For Day 4, I had 13 profile views and received four messages: three were "filtered" and came with the warning to avoid spam; the fourth was my token fake profile/bot message of the day. Which means that in 4 days, the only legitimate message I have received came from a 29 year old and that conversation fizzled quickly.
For my part, I emailed my quota of four men. I'm finding it's easier to shoot off messages if you don't really care whether or not they respond because deep down, you already know they won't. I have now emailed 14 men; I have eleven to go to meet my goal for the week so I will likely email another four for Days 5 and 6 and only three on Day 7.
It's Friday and once again, I will be spending
it at home curled up with a book telling myself I'm doing that because
I'm choosing to - that it's what I really want to do with my evening
when the truth is I just don't have anything else to do because I don't have anyone to do anything with. More than anything, that was what I was hoping to gain from this latest stint on Ok Cupid - a couple of new friends I could hang out with when all my existing friends disappear come 5:00 on Friday afternoon.
On a positive note, now that I know why I'm binge eating, I can return to my healthier, disciplined diet plan.