Saturday, April 3, 2010

Boys! (Or not)

It turns out my last two posts were all for nothing. My friend passed along my e-mail address to her Facebook friend about 2 weeks ago and I never did hear from him. I guess he wasn't that interested after all. In all honesty, I can't say I am disappointed, but I know if I let myself really think about it, I would feel pretty down about it-that I'd think he was just one more guy on a long list who doesn't think I am attractive enough to pursue.

Since James died, I have had an interest in three men. The first was my widower friend. While we definitely have a connection, deep down I have always known we were never meant to be more than friends. He's a great guy and will make some woman very lucky some day but he is very adamant about not wanting pets and the guy for me will not only want me but my dogs too. With him, a part of it was also just wanting it to be as easy as God saying "Hey, I took James from you and his wife from him, and now I'm giving you each other to make up for it." But it doesn't work that way. I just hope that as life continues to take us down different paths, our friendship stays intact.

Then there was Volunteer Guy. Ah, Volunteer Guy. The man I have known for about 3 years now and who I started to see in a different light after he was the one person who I was comfortable enough around to let all my walls come crumbling down. (Astrologically, he's perfect for me too-and he loves dogs). But just as I was working up the nerve to ask him out, I found out he was back together with his ex. Sigh.

The latest is Cute Meetup Guy #1. There are actually two Cute Meetup Guys but the second one, whom I told my friend I was going to marry the night I met him, is not very active in the group and has not signed up for any more events. I met CMG #1 in December at his first event, which he has mentioned twice at recent events. He likes to read-he's reading one of my books now. He loves dogs and even likes cats (the only reason I don't have a cat is because Sammy is allergic to them). We have similar interests-we keep ending up at the same events. But at an event Tuesday, which he was not at, I found out another girl is interested. And she is much, much prettier than I am, really nice and really funny. I really like her-she's great. So, I told the girl that brought this up everything I knew about CMG #1 so this other girl could go for him. Why? Because I'm an idiot comes to mind. The simple truth is I did it because I have no reason to believe he is interested in me, which was pretty much confirmed yesterday.

There was an impromptu gathering Thursday night. The couple that hosted the event Tuesday decided to have some people over for snacks and drinks. Instead of posting it as an event, they just sent out e-mails to a handful of people inviting them over. They decided since the Other Girl was going to be there, they would invite CMG #1 as well, having only met him once. He decided to come and when all was said and done, he was pretty much the only one there who did not know this was done in deliberation to get him in the same room with Other Girl (they had only met once before). I was the first one to leave and I guess they hit it off pretty well. Well enough for him to walk her home and give her a good-night kiss on the cheek. As I have mentioned, I have been to several events with him and the most I have ever gotten was a handshake. I have seen him say good-bye to other girls in the group with a hug, but not me. I don't even get that much. And then yesterday he signed up for an event at the last minute that she was also going to. I was supposed to go to, but bailed at the last minute because I was so physically and emotionally exhausted. I was asleep on the couch before 7:00 last night and am still so tired after 14 1/2 hours of sleep.

I like them both and they are really cute together but I can't help but feel disappointed. I feel like this is my third strike and now I am out. I guess it depends on how I choose to look at it: if this was the legal system, I would be out. But if I view this like a game of baseball, (and I have compared dating to baseball before), then three strikes is just one at bat and since I'm just starting out, there is a lot of game left (speaking of which, the new season starts Monday. GO BRAVES!!). And it only takes one good hit to win the game...

No comments: