But why not me?

I was at a Meetup event the other night that ended up being attended only by women. As the night went on, we ended up chatting about whether or not this is a good group to meet a potential life partner. I think it has the potential for that but I was in the minority. True, most of the events are attended primarily by women and true, according to census data women over the age of 25 overwhelmingly outweigh the number of men (regardless of marital status) and true, most of the men in this group are close to 50 if not over and true, when the younger men come to the events they do have a bunch of women swarming around them like flies. But it could still happen.

So as we are discussing this the conversation turned to a member who was removed from the group for making some of the other members uncomfortable by hitting on anything that moves. Really? I have met him several times and he is never once hit on me. One of the girls said I should consider myself lucky because he's really creepy but I don't feel blessed. I feel rejected. How come I'm not good enough to be hit on too? He's certainly had the opportunity to do so. Granted I'm not interested, but it would still be nice to have someone express interest in me-to make me feel like I might be attractive to someone. I was feeling washed up before I found out about this-this certainly didn't help. Statistically, the odds are already stacked against me; what does it say if I can't even get hit on by someone who hits on everyone?

It's been almost two years since James died and other than a co-worker who invited me to dinner, which I declined for a variety of reasons, no one has even looked at me twice. And now that I am thinking about dating again, I hear my dad's words again: "What's so wrong with you that you can't attract a man?" I know it's too soon to give up hope. And I know I have a lot to offer to the right person. But it's things like this that make it hard to keep the faith.