I have been doing really well lately. I have gone out a few times lately and actually had fun. On the 2nd, I went and saw "The Hurt Locker" with the meetup group. On the 5th, it was "North by Northwest" with the same group, although different people from the group. The 6th was bunco and it was one of the rowdiest buncos we have had in a long time. Plus I won a $15 gift card to Starbucks for having the most buncos (score!) and it is always more fun when you win. Saturday, it was another event with the meetup group-this time it was breakfast at Slappy Cakes, which is a restaurant that allows you to make your own pancakes (mine were buttermilk with chocolate chips and cranberries).
I am looking forward to some upcoming events as well: my volunteer shifts on Wednesday and Thursday, either going to a play or playing Pictionary on Friday (my birthday), a birthday party for the meetup group organizer on Saturday, a potluck on Sunday, and bingo on Monday (which I now have off-yea!). It's a lot and I will probably overdo it but there are so many fun things on the calendar it is hard to say no to any of them and I love that I am excited about these things and about life again.
But at the same time I am afraid it's just temporary. I am afraid the other shoe is going to drop and I am going to end up right back where I started. I am afraid I am going to realize this was all just a mask to get through the rough stretch of November through February. I asked one of the widowers who has been doing this longer than I have if that seemed normal and he said it did. I was really hoping to get his wife's perspective on it to see if this is something she went through as well but she wasn't feeling well and didn't come. I'll definitely have to ask my therapist about it next week. I hope it's completely normal and in the end, while I'll still have bad days, my fears are unfounded and the happiness I am feeling, though it is a different kind of happiness, is real.