Resolutions

At the beginning of January 1998, I decided to stop drinking pop. I was drinking way too much of it and had my last can of Dr. Pepper on 1/4/98. That is the only resolution I have ever kept though there are times it hasn't been easy. It was hard when James would get the occasional Dr. Pepper and I could smell it. And there are times when I am at the grocery store and a bottle of Rudy Red Squirt will beckon to me. I know an occasional pop won't hurt me; mostly I resist temptation out of stubbornness.

Despite that being the only resolution I have ever kept, I still make them. (Maybe I should resolve to stop making resolutions). They always include the generic eat better and exercise more. I always resolve to stop procrastinating and do a better job of staying in touch with my friends and family. The other night while I was waiting to meet a group of people to see "North by Northwest," I decided to make a list of resolutions for this year. I decided that maybe if I looked busy, the other patrons would stop giving me the "oh, look at her all by herself" looks of pity.

I resolve to get out more and have fun. I resolve to stop creating profiles on online dating sites and stop obsessing over MH #2-whether he exists and whether or not I have already met him. Instead, I plan to enjoy a wide variety of events with the meetup groups I joined and just focus on having fun and exploring what Portland has to offer-something I was too afraid to do before I met James. As part of this, I resolve to try to start conversations with others at these events even though that scares the crap out of me. I do seem to be getting better at it though.

I resolve to conquer driving around downtown Portland without traumatizing myself or getting lost. I mentioned this to the organizer of the group the other night before the movie started and he said when the weather gets nicer he is going to organize a few walking tours of downtown and through that, we will turn me into a pro. My friend keeps telling me I need a GPS and I keep resisiting. However, if they come out with one that senses anxiety, and works when I am walking as well as driving, I may change my mind.

I resolve to cut back on swearing. Considering I have a customer and a vendor at work who royally tick me off on an almost daily basis, this will be a challenge.

I resolve to finalize James' estate, including packing up the rest of his things and selling my Lancer. While this will be so hard, I know it is something that needs to be done for me to truly be able to move forward with my life.

I resolve to read and watch more classic books and movies. Since the meetup group is starting to do both monthly, I won't really have an excuse not to do either. If I decide the group setting is not the best approach for me to achieve this goal, at least I have easy access to the top 100 lists of each (well, one of the many versions of both lists) so again, no excuse.

I resolve to actually use my gift cards instead of hoarding them. I have quite the collection and a knack for adding to it. It seems every time I use one, I get another to take its place.

On the genealogy front, I resolve to actually spend some time working on it. I resolve to fulfill 12 photo requests for Find-A-Grave. One a month is not unreasonable. I also resolve to establish the parental units of my great-grandmother, Dorothy Wentz, once and for all. (I don't know why that makes me laugh. Sometimes I just crack myself up-this woman is a royal pain who managed to not have a birth certificate and managed to avoid the census for the first 22 years of her life).

Overall, I resolve to make this be a great year in which sadness is not my most prominent emotion. Yes, there will be rough days but I think I have it in me to really start enjoying life again and to let happiness take over again.