Sunday, January 17, 2010

Yea for Idiot Guides!

I have a weakness for buying the little recipe books in the grocery store checkout line. I tend to pick one up if the line is long or moving slowly because I once read that if you pick up one of the magazines and thumb through it, it distracts from how long the line is or how slowly it is moving which helps keep your stress level down. As I am riffling through the books, if I see more than a couple of recipes I think I would like to try, I throw it in the cart. Do I ever actually try them? Not as often as I should to justify my continuing to buy them.

I had to make a quick trip up to the Ghetto this morning (aka Safeway) to grab a few things. I have never been to another grocery store that actually discourages grocery shopping. As usual, the only aisle that was open was the Express lane. As usual, not everyone had 15 items or less because for some odd reason some people (myself included) actually think it is a full-on grocery store and not the convenience store it tries so hard to be. As I was standing there trying not to be annoyed by the Ghetto, I glanced over the magazines and recipe books.

And I saw the book that was written for people just like me: "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Finding Mr. Right." Oh yes, that went right into the cart. Along with a crock pot recipe book since I am always on the look out for those.

I am possibly about to re-enter the dating pool. I say possibly because re-entry requires the participation of a member of the opposite sex. I don't really have much control over that aspect of it. I can point to one and say "I like that one," but sadly, it's not as easy as just going to The Man Store and picking one out. And therein lies the problem. I am pretty clueless when it comes to this whole dating game thing. I'm not the most observant person in the world and I have no idea how to tell if someone likes me, short of them coming out and saying so. I mean, I can tell if people like me in general (usually)-just not if they like me as in "I like you. Will you go out with me? Check Yes or No." (I've never gotten one of those. I would love it if I did now. That would score MAJOR points). I can't tell if someone is flirting with me-that usually dawns on me after the fact. Way after. I can't tell if someone keeps calling me "H to the hizzle" and giving me hugs because he's interested or just friendly or if I just look like a lost puppy dog in need of a snappy nickname and a hug. I don't know how to read signals-I think said guy and I may be giving each other mixed signals, but I could also be so far off base I'm no longer on the field (I am noticing, however, you can use a lot of baseball references when talking about dating. That's good. I understand baseball).

I clearly need help. I don't know that the Idiot's Guide is the way to go about it-I might need the "Beyond Idiot Guide," if there is one, but at least it's a start.

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