Last week when Mom and I had our almost weekly Sunday morning conversation, she told me that one of the things she has read consistently over the years is that to get answers, you are supposed to say a prayer and then ask your angels for a sign. What you dream about it is your sign but it isn't always easy to interpret. She said when I went to bed that night, I should say a prayer and then ask Dad what life has in store for me.
"Dad only gives me bad news," I replied.
"You have to stop being mad at your Dad. And you have to stop being mad at God too," she said.
I sighed. We have had this conversation before. I told her that I was more accepting to God. I didn't like it, but I was more accepting of it. And I told her Dad could have been a lot nicer about the whole thing.
"Your dad was not mean to you." (How does she know-she wasn't in my head).
"Dad was MAD at me. He said to me 'I don't see how it is you can't see it. James is leaving you and he is never coming back.' He said it disgustedly. And a week later, James died. So yeah, I'm still a little mad at the messenger."
"Okay fine. Don't ask your dad. Ask your other angels. But I still think you need to stop being mad at your father." Mothers do have an answer for everything, don't they?
So, I decided to give it a try. I know I have had a couple of dreams but I don't remember them. I do remember the one I had this morning. I know it was morning because it was after the cling-on also known as Sammy got me up to go out at 4:15. I don't know what is up with these two lately but they are sticking to me like glue. It's actually starting to creep me out a bit.
So, I let the dogs out, fought to get back into bed and lay down before they started crawling all over me, got settled and said a quick prayer. Then I asked my angels what was in store for me and fell asleep to have the following dream:
James and I were playing on our computers. We were in our house, but our house was really a big yard with a glass enclosure. It was in front of a brick building like you see on college campuses. The phone rang and I saw on the caller ID it was my widower friend, so I answered it. He said that he was sorry for calling on such short notice but had a wedding reception to go to and wanted to know if I could go with him. I told him that James and I had plans but I would go ask James if I could go with WF. I told WF I didn't think James would mind if I went to the reception with him if we weren't going to do what we had planned. So, I went and asked James if he was planning to do a raid that night (James was a WoW junkie, but was playing something else in my dream). He said no, that we were going to do what we planned (I can't remember what it was-some show I think). I told him that I was talking to WF and he wanted to know if I could go to a reception with him. I was surprised that James was annoyed that WF had the nerve to ask me to go to a wedding reception with him.
So, I got back on the phone and told WF that James and I were going to do what we had planned so I couldn't go with him but I hoped he had fun. We chatted for a bit longer but WF was pretty quiet, so I asked him what was wrong. He said he knew he wasn't being his chatty self-he was just listening to what I had to say. He then realized it was almost 4:00 and he was supposed to be at the reception at 3:30. I told him that everyone knows that weddings start 1/2 hour late so he was probably fine. We laughed and hung up.
I had been walking around while I was on the phone, and when the conversation ended, I was standing in the sliding glass door of what is my current kitchen, facing outside. I had also turned down the volume on the TV at some point and was still holding the remote. I was walking back to where James was and was going to toss the remote towards the TV, but didn't want it to get lost in the grass. I thought about just walking over to the TV and putting it down but that would have taken me off my path so I just kept it.
I then came upon a small, fluffy dog on the sidewalk. I was carrying a board game (I have no idea where that came from), so I put the dog on the box. A strange blond guy came up and started saying all kinds of things about how pretty my daughter was (meaning the dog) and how he wanted to pet her and play with her. I told him my husband was very protective of her and had a bad temper. So the man left. I continued to walk over to where James was, but now instead of playing on the computer, he was sitting at a card table teaching a little girl (about 5 or 6) with long brown hair-our daughter-how to play checkers.
I have had a dream with this little girl before. I have only seen her from behind, but in both dreams she was my daughter. In the other dream, WF was her father. I was watching from the back of the driveway as he walked her to the school bus for her first day of school. He was bursting with pride but I could tell he was fighting back tears too. I thought to myself that it figured I would have to be the strong one while he got to have the emotional moment with her and I was a little jealous that he was the one having this bonding moment with her.
In both dreams, I have seen the little girl from the 3rd person point of view, although in my dream this morning, everything else up to the point I picked up the dog had been 1st person. The two times I have dreamt about this little girl, I have not seen her face or mine so I don't know how old I am. I do know the little girl is happy and healthy though.
Maybe she's MH #2's little girl and I don't get to see her face because she looks like her daddy and I don't yet know who that is. The poor kid definitely has my hair. Or maybe I am seeing myself when I was that age and life was so innocent and uncomplicated. Who knows? I do know it was nice to have a dream about James in which life was completely normal (other than the living outside part) for once.