Saturday, November 14, 2009

Wake me up on February 15th

I have been feeling down since the 5th anniversary of my dad's passing-like this hollow feeling is always going to live inside me; like I don't have any hope for future happiness. I know the holidays are fast approaching and I am sure that has something to do with it. I would like to just skip them (except for the extra days off work-I do want those. And the yummy goodness of holiday food-I want that too). I got to thinking about it this morning and I realized I am going to be packing a lot of significant days into a short amount of time:

11/06: 21 months since James died
11/11: 5 years since Dad died
11/26: Thanksgiving
12/05: Dad's birthday (would have been 59)
12/06: 22 months since James died
12/25: Christmas
12/31: New Year's Eve and the 10th anniversary of our first date
01/01: Start of a new year-hopefully a good one
01/06: 23 months since James died
01/15: My 36th birthday
02/06: 2 years
02/14: Valentine's Day-the day that throws in my face how alone I am

I don't want to put on a happy face and make the best of it. I just want to hibernate until these days are over. I already feel myself withdrawing into my numb place. The good news is that time seems to be flying by right now, so this may seem daunting but will most likely be over in a snap.

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