Sunday, July 26, 2009


November 11, 2004: Dad dies at age 53 due to complications from adult onset diabetes. It was expected.

March 3, 2005: My father-in-law dies at age 67 due to liver failure the day after being told that with some lifestyle changes, he would have another year or two to live.

July 16, 2006: My cousin dies from massive head injuries suffered in a motorcycle accident. He was 22.

March 30, 2007: Grandma dies from heart failure at the age of 86.

September 8, 2007: James' aunt dies after slowly declining following almost dying in 2005. I am not sure the official cause of death; we just think she lost her will to live. I'm not sure how old she was-in her 60's, I believe.

February 6, 2008: James dies of a heart attack while driving home from work. He was 41.

March 17, 2008: James' aunt dies after a 3-year battle with lung cancer that spread to her brain shortly after being told she was thisclose to being in remission. She was 58 or 59.

The family members that I have a good, strong relationship with now consist of my mother, my brother, my mother-in-law and James' cousin.

I am afraid that I will let a good thing slip through my fingers because I will keep someone at arms' length out of fear that as soon as I let my guard down and allow myself to get close and allow someone to get close to me, he will just up and die too. I am hoping that being aware of this possibility will help me work through it when the time comes.


Rick said...

I understand what you are saying...


Shannon said...

All I have left in MY family are my mom who is 71, my dad 61, and my niece 21. That is it!!!! I have my husbands side of the family, but it's not the same as my side. Everyone that has died on my side, has died of some sort of cancer! Doesn't leave a shot in hell for me does it? It scares the HELL out of me!!!! I am like a hypochondriac with that crap!!!! We can't go through life worrying about stuff like this, but I don't know how to stop you? Oh well, when you get the answer, let me know!!!

Sari said...

You sure have had a lot of loss in the past several years. I'm sorry for that. I can understand being afraid to get close to someone. I think especially since I have been dating someone much older than me, I worry about that. But ultimately, I do believe the risk is worth the gain. I'm sure you will find that to be true as well. ((HUG))