Monday, July 6, 2009

Funny how that works

This morning when I checked my e-mail, I had a message from eHarmony that Alonzo wanted to start communications. I thought that was interesting. So, I logged into the site and was surprised, and pleased, to see that I had 14 matches. Of course, now that the free weekend is over, they were able to find matches for me. It's funny how that works. But, on the plus side, I don't feel like the world's biggest reject anymore.

Apparently, you can see some information on your matches for free. I was able to find out that a few of my matches "closed" the match. Two listed "other" as the reason; the third was because I didn't have a picture posted. (They said I had no matches-what was the point?) I read through the matches-no pictures unless you pay-and closed two-Alonzo and one other. First, they were 5 years older than the upper age limit I set and both referenced their kids. I specifically said no kids. And if they had kids in their early 20's, I would be closer in age to the children than I would be to my matches. That's just creepy. It's not that I don't want kids. I love children. It's just that at this stage of my life, I don't want to raise someone else's-unless he is widowed. I don't want to deal with baby mama drama and having to arrange my schedule around his custody schedule in order to spend time together.

Since it was free, I posted a recent picture and updated a little more of my profile information. I am not sure about this whole thing. I am not sure how ready I really am for all of this-for the rejection part of it. Having matches kind of scared me. And there is someone I already know that I would not object to dating, but we are firmly entrenched in the friend zone. Which is fine-I would much rather have him as a friend than not in my life at all. Time will tell what role we are meant to have in each others' lives. In the meantime, however, I am not getting any younger and I can't keep using the "maybe my friend and I will someday be more" excuse to avoid putting myself out there, which is what I have been doing for the past few months. There is also another someone I know who recently ended a relationship that I have never thought about romantically-until the other night when I had a romantic dream about him, which had me very intrigued when I woke up. However, right now, he is not an option either. His heartbreak is too fresh.

There will never be another James. I don't want an exact duplicate anyway-that would be unfair to him, me and James. There are some of his qualities that are must-haves, however. My friend has a lot of the qualities that I do want, and if we are meant to be just friends, I hope to be lucky enough to find someone a lot like him.

Am I really ready for this? There's only one way to find out and I'm kind of excited about it.


Sari said...

Good luck! Dating is sure not for the faint-hearted. Alonzo was not in Arizona was he? I don't blame you for not wanting divorce/custody drama, neither do I. Love kids, don't really want to deal with the other stuff though.

Rick said...

Good luck with the dating scene. Just be patient.


Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Yeah, you're wise: there is only one way to find out.

Have fun and play safe. LMK if you need advice on gaming Match's system!