Sunday, July 5, 2009

Strike 2!

Last year, eHarmony had a free weekend over the 4th of July. It had only been 5 months since James died and even though I knew I was not ready to date, I wanted to meet new people. So, even though I felt guilty about it, I filled out their application. When I got to the end, I got the message that I was one of the 25% of people they cannot match.

In October, I decided to sign up for one of the free dating sites. So, I created a profile at Plenty of Fish. You can see who viewed your profile, assuming they have not selected the option that allows you to view profiles without it letting the person whose profile you are viewing know. In about a month and a half, I had over 50 people view my profile that I know of. Not a single one responded to it. I ended up hiding my profile after getting upset over a thread on the message board in which the prevailing thought was that the death of a fiance(e) was the same as a bad break up and those of us who lost a fiance(e) needed to get over it and stop looking for attention. That attitude is not going to work for me.

I decided that I needed to focus on other things, namely figuring out who I am now and what I want in a partner. Now that some time has passed, I don't know that I have a better idea of who I am, but I have a better idea of what I want in a partner.

I read that eHarmony was having another free weekend so last night, when I was sitting here bored to tears and lonely as Hell, I decided to try it again. I went through the application again and at the end, got the message that there are no available matches for me. I wonder if there would have been if I had signed up for the $50/month subscription? On their website, they boast that every day, on average 236 single people marry a match they met on eHarmony. That means on average, they successfully marry off 86,140 people in a year. And those are just the ones who match up and marry and tell them-it doesn't include the ones who just match up and live together without tying the knot. That's an awful lot of people for there not to be a single match for me.

I sent my friend a text that I had tried again with the same result. She replied that just meant there was no one good enough for me out there. I replied "damn straight!" and tried to laugh it off. I am trying not to let it get to me and I know there are many other avenues out there and that I do have a lot to offer, but right now I am having a hard time not feeling thoroughly rejected and am wondering what the point is of even trying?


Rick said...

Hang in there! I also joined a online dating site for a month to feel it out (Very disappointed!!!). I had 700 people view me and only 5 responses, scary responses!! I am not convinenced with the online dating thing. When you least expect it, it happens. Continue to stay active and getting out with friends and family.

SHannon said...

First of all, I never believed in things like that. I believe that you need to visually need to "fall in love". I can't see being fixed up by computer. Those people are full of crap! They lie about half of the stuff they tell anyway. Hell, you might be matched up with a murderer or stalker or wierdo. Get my drift? I would rather be patient, like I told Rick, I had a TWO YEAR dry spell after my divorce before I would start dating, because I was so scared to start my life over again. I wasn't looking when I met my husband. We just kind of met and started talking. He had so many "red flags" against him. When I say red flags, I mean things that I swore I would never subject myself to ever again.
1. A man who has been married before.
2. A man who has kids
3. A man who has a lot of debt and baggage.
4. A man who's family is close to the ex.
5. A man who is obsessed with hunting and fishing.

Oh well, he actually went against EVERY red flag on my list. But he stole my heart and it's been a bumpy ride, but we are going on 7 years of being together and five years of marriage, two children and two step-children. They're are rough-times. Like we NEVER have time alone. Never have money to do anything, never have babysitters, neve get a break, but it;s all worth it in the long run. And hey, like I also told RIck, I was a late-bloomer. I was 35 when I had Nico and 38 when I had Abbie. So Hang in there, because good things come to those who wait. Shannon