The other day I was out and about and of course, I was stopped at a red light. I was annoyed because I really do not deserve to get stopped at pretty much every light. I idly noticed the assortment of bumper stickers on the car in front of me. One of them has stuck with me. It read "Never let someone be a priority who is only willing to make you an option." Wow. That's pretty deep for a bumper sticker.
It got me thinking about how there is someone in my life that I would like to be a priority, but who doesn't seem to consider me to even be an option though I know he does care about me. It made me realize I need to let go of the hope this person will some day wake up and think "I better snag Heather before someone else realizes how great she is and beats me to it." I will maintain the friendship as I still need that in my life, but not the romantic illusion I have been holding onto. Even though I know it was the right thing to do, I am pretty sure I blew my chances there. I regret that, but would probably regret it more had I allowed something neither of us was ready for to happen.
I miss having someone in my life who is my priority. I don't really know how to be single anymore and I was never really any good at it. I want to have someone in my life who is my priority again. I have always been so much better at putting everyone elses' needs first-something that drove James nuts on occasion, usually because I was getting walked all over or my feelings hurt in the process. But making other people happy makes me happy. And I also realized the one person who has never been my #1 priority is me.
So that's my new goal: to allow myself to be my own priority. I have no one else to take care of right now and might not for a very long time. I might as well take care of myself while I wait for MH #2 to come knocking on my door.