"I still carry a sadness with me. But I have been feeling lately that I have gotten to a point where I am as happy as I can possibly be. That my life is pretty full again and as complete as it is going to get for right now."
That is not an exact quote, but it is pretty close. The sentiment is accurate. I know I have the sentiment right, if not the words. I know this because I am the one who said-and meant-these words this afternoon to my co-worker and dear friend, A. (Thanks so much for everything A! You ROCK!!!)
It is actually pretty overwhelming and scary to feel this way. I am encouraged by the possibilities this holds for me; I am afraid the other shoe will drop and I will end right back up where I started. I still hate not knowing what comes next. I don't expect it to be smooth sailing. There will still be difficult days that knock me on my ass and make me feel I have just been kidding myself-that I haven't made any progress at all. But I love that I really am looking forward to the coming year and all the promise that it holds. And I am tearfully aware of how huge that is. James would be so proud of me. I know I am.