Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I Cross My Heart

The other night, I was putting books on the new bookcase my friend came over and helped me put together. I now have 5 bookcases and still have a box of books that don't have a home. Now if I just had time to read all of these books! (I am currently reading and loving "Undead and Unwed" by MaryJanice Davidson).

While I was shelving the books, I had Windows Media set to random and found myself listening to "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait at one point. I found myself thinking I could see myself dancing with my husband at our wedding to this song. Then I thought it was a little creepy to be picking out first dance songs when I don't exactly have a wedding on the horizon. I wonder if part of that is a residual effect of not having picked out a first dance song for my and James' wedding? Our recessional song was going to be "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer and I wanted "You're Still the One" by Orleans to be the song played after our first dance when everyone joined us. It seemed fitting as we weren't the traditional young couple and all our coupled guests have been couples for many years. I now think of those as our songs. We had not yet decided on a first dance song yet and hadn't even really talked about it that much. We still had 8 months to plan, after all.

I don't know if "I Cross My Heart" would have been on the short list or not. The major con is that James did not like country music. The pros however, are that I do, I love the song and he felt the wedding was really all about the bride. However, I would not have made him dance to a song he really didn't like and I know he really liked "There is Love (The Wedding Song)" by Paul Stookey of Peter, Paul and Mary, which his aunt and uncle danced to at their wedding. It is a pretty song and I would have agreed to it.

So here I am, haven't even had my first "new life" date and yet I find myself thinking about wedding songs. And then I started to really focus on the lyrics of the chorus:

"I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine."

I realized that this is a promise I could see myself making to MH #2. I know what it is like to love and lose. I know there are no guarantees. I know that when I get a second chance at love, I am going to make every minute count because there is no telling how many minutes there are going to be. I know I will give it everything I have and do everything I can to give us a happy life-just like I did for James. James will always have a place in my heart, but MH #2 will be given all I have to give. He will be my #1 priority.

So, I have a song I like. Now I just need a boy I like to like me back.

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