This picture of James sits on my mantle:
It was taken on the morning of January 8, 2007 on the balcony of our stateroom aboard Royal Caribbean's "Navigator of the Seas." Our first port of call, Labadee, Haiti is in the background. It was taken the morning after James proposed. It is the last picture on his memorial slide show.
I love this picture and often find my eyes gravitating towards it before I leave in the morning or when I am watching TV. Every so often though, I panic as I glance over. I am afraid that I am going to look over and find that it is fading away, like Marty McFly's family did in the picture he had during the "Enchantment Under the Sea" dance scene in "Back to the Future."
I know this is irrational and that every time I look, the picture is still going to be there just as it is now. However, when you lose someone and go through their things, and take them off the accounts, and finalize everything, it tends to feel like their existence is being erased and I know that is where my fear is coming from. Deep down, I know that I will carry him with me for as long as I live and he will never truly be erased. And if time does fade the picture, I'll just print off another one.