Lately, I have been wondering if blogging is doing me more harm than good.
When James was alive, there were times I would get frustrated because we were so boring. While we did get out and do things with friends, for the most part, we were such homebodies. I would hear stories and see pictures of my friends' various trips and adventures and I wanted that too, but it seems something always got in the way of us doing that.
I started this blog because I wanted a place I could record my memories so when I am old I can go back and relive them. I could keep a journal, but this is much more legible. Plus if the house should ever burn down, I can log on to any computer and this journal won't be lost.
Reliving these memories has made me realize that you really don't know what you have until it is gone and our life was anything but boring. I have so many stories that make me smile. I have so many stories that remind me how much I was loved.
There is an e-mail that circulates periodically about how you spend your "dash"-the period of time between the dates on your headstone. As I was doing my volunteer project the other morning, I was thinking about whether or not I should continue blogging as the memories make me miss James, which brings me pain and the fear I will never experience that kind of happiness again, which makes me feel very much alone. And then I realized this evolving into more than just my memories as it is starting to incorporate more of my life now.
There are going to be posts of memories. There are going to be posts of my current life. Some will be funny; some will be sad; some will be filled with hope and others with fear; some will be downright boring. But that is how life is. And this is my life. This is my dash.